gbrljms

Imagine, if you will, my dilemma.

There is this wonderfulamazingsexygorgeousfantastic boy who I love, am in love with, have every intention of marrying someday that is moving across this great country of ours (Canada) to be with me. I want him to be happy, obviously… Which is why I feel like such a great, humongous, jumbo, Supersize asshole.

So I’ve always had a kind of “sixth sense” - that’s sort of a crap description of it, but basically… I know things are going to happen before they happen, I’m seldom wrong and there’s no good reason I should know or see the things I do. Tell me I’m a liar, I don’t care, the fact of the matter is there’s some freaky paranormal psychic shit going on up in my head and has been all my life.

Anyways.

My boyfriend, his beloved Nana who is the greatest little old lady ever, she is in the hospital. She broke her leg the other day falling out of an RV (I told you she was awesome) and I guess there were complications enough that she needs surgery. The boyfriend really does not handle hospitals well because of incidents relating back to when he was thirteen and had to be there for two weeks after he attempted suicide, so it is really hard for me to even be there. As much as I know he feels uncomfortable going there, I feel it’s important that he go and see Nana because he doesn’t have much time left with her…

Yeah. It sucks, okay? It sucks to know that by Wednesday or Thursday of this week, there will be no more Nana. And the boyfriend is fully aware of my “gift” (lies, it is a curse and a half) and that I have low moods like the one I am currently having. He knows there’s something going on and he sort of understands the moral implications behind telling anyone about what’s going to happen and why I hate doing it. Tonight he actually told me, “If it’s about Nana, I don’t want to know.” Pressure’s off me, right? You would think so.

Well, no. Because I love him and I would never - never - do something that could hurt him. And the death of Nana, well, it will hurt him very much. I’m here, all the way across the country… I don’t know if I should even tell him what’s going to happen or not. I think that potentially it might progress in a way that he might never need to know that I saw the whole thing coming, but either way it still feels a lot like I’m lying to my other half. I hate this feeling so much and I’d give anything not to be in this seat.

So. Do I continue doing what I’m doing and act oblivious while sort of pushing him to spend time with her and let him enjoy that time? Or do I tell him the truth and know that I’m the one that lets that hang over his head the whole time and damper his last days with her? Do I stress him out three days before he has surgery to get his wisdom teeth removed? I don’t know.

What should I do?