gbrljms

sometimes the problems get out of control and he relapses and i relapse and he eats eats eats and i never do and i hurt and i hurt and i hurt and he never cares and he never says anything and it eats away at me and my skin and how i am and feel and nobody cares and everything is moving away from me and everyone leaves

everyone always leaves and i am never good enough

i feel empty but there is so much inside my head and you will never know and i don’t have the words to tell you and they are all gone, my words are all gone and my hair and my skin and the seasons and it is next week and you are here and i don’t know if you want me or my bones because it’s eating me alive

the doctors don’t help anything and i lie to them and i lie lie lie like a pro and no one ever finds out but i still feel guilty because these people are supposed to help but they don’t make me feel any better all they do is tell me how i’m supposed to be and it is worse and worse and i am less and less okay and no one can tell the difference

i don’t eat and i don’t sleep and i don’t breathe and my heart pumps the blood through my veins but nothing ever changes, i am still fat and alone and afraid and nothing ever changes and less and less goes into me day after day after day but there just keeps being more and more and more of me and it frustrates me and i don’t know what to do

i want to not do this anymore, i want to stop everything because it feels so bad and i am tired of being afraid and alone and guilty as charged, tired tired tired but it feels so good, i get away with it so who cares, who cares since you don’t and never will you never say anything you never say to stop or go and you just leave me anyways, leave me with a hole in my heart the size of manhattan

please don’t do this to me anymore

the enemy is not anyone else but me. i am my own worst enemy. i am no one’s friend, i am bad news so stay away